Rounding the Corner

You know how in my last post I said that a 'new normal' is always just around the corner? Well, we are rounding the corner. You know how I said that it was exciting? Well, it's also frustrating. I know that it will work out fine and we'll settle in as usual, but man, can't we just remain still for a while?

This is the hardest thing about being an LE wife (and I imagine even harder for a military wife). When your husband's schedule changes from shift to shift, no matter what his career, it really is a continuing adjustment and frustration. The thing is as an LE wife, you must remain humble (because the job he has centers around the safety of the public - you are not the center) and you must remain strong (because he enters into the potential for danger each time he leaves for work.) The fact that you are allowing your husband to enter that danger for the benefit of people you don't even know keeps you very humble. In the mix of all of this, I have to fight the feelings of being 'dragged along for the ride' because I have to be ok with all of the constant changes that benefit those strangers my husband risks his safety for - more than the convenience of his family. Schedules will change, which affects babysitters, alone time, and family time.

It is a hard place to be. I feel that most of the time I cannot (or should not) express my frustration to my husband about these changes because I do not want him to feel bad - it's not his fault. On the other hand, one has to be able to feel those natural emotions and have an outlet, right? Even now, the more I talk, the more humble I feel.

I want what's best for my family - each individual in my family. My husband was created to protect and serve and he is exactly where he needs to be. I am so proud of him and wouldn't want him to change a thing. By the grace of God, I will find the beauty and conveniences of the 'new normal.' We will benefit monetarily. There is more chance for overtime when he is on the afternoon shift. One of his good friends had the chance to take this shift, but when asked by the chief if he wanted it (he has more seniority than my husband does) he asked the chief to ask my husband if he wanted it first because he knew we could use the extra money. For that selflessness and thoughtfulness I am very greatful - God bless Eric. He and his wife Kate have been wonderful friends. He has even offered to watch the baby when my husband leaves for work until I get home (about an hour). There is good in everything and I will find it - I'm already able to see some. I know in a few days, I will have come to a peace about everything - it's just the transition that I hate. Kudos to all the military moms - at least my husband is working among the streets in which we live.

We are fine, but prayers are welcome.

A New Normal

I can't believe that Daddy has been home for 1 month!! Time is a funny thing. It seems like yesterday that we were getting ready to send him off to the academy. I remember specific times that we were in the car talking about how our lives would change when the baby arrived and Brian was finished with the academy. We thought we would never get here. It's funny how when I look back to those conversations, time seems to have flown by in a blink. Time seems like it was crawling by, however, when I think of the time I spent without him caring for the baby and everything at home. The best thing is that no matter how I look at it, we have arrived.

This last month has been filled with adjustments and transitions, sometimes stressful and overwhelming for all three of us. While my husband was away, we both just wanted our lives to be 'normal' again. We both knew it would be different, but were uncertain about how it would be different. In the weeks after he came back to us, I was unsure that we would ever be able to relax again and we both just wanted some sort of certainty. I am happy to say that I think we are beginning to find some of those certainties in our lives and we are settling into a 'new normal' that still has many bumps, but many smooth stretches too.

When he was let out on shifts alone, his demeanor was able to begin to return to the man I remember (although he is still getting some academy out of his system at times). They really re-program a person at the police academy and, understandably, it takes a person some time to re-re-program themselves. My husband is now able to do those simple things that help a person relax such as listening to the music he wants in the cruiser, adjusting the heat to HIS desired temperature, and simply feeling like he is in control instead of feeling like someone is watching over his shoulder at everything he is doing. These are the things he is thankful for.

Another part of the 'new normal' is our schedule that is becoming easier. We only need a sitter (Aunt Chrissy - love you!) Wednesday through Friday, which allows for nice bonding time alone with Isaac for both Mommy and Daddy. Also, my husband joined a Martial Arts class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I am able to go to the gym Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It's nice to be with Isaac as a family for at least a few hours every night, but it is also really refreshing to have our own hobbies and self-reconnecting time.

All in all, we are settling into our 'new normal' and enjoying it for the moment, because as we all know a 'new normal' is always around the corner. How exciting!